Tag Archive: Memoir


Note: Today Stockholm held it’s 2018 Comic Festival, where the Finnish Artist and comic book creator Hanneriina Moissenen spoke of her latest work, “KANNAS / The Isthmus”. This blogger had seen Ms. Moissenen talk in 2016 at the same festival, and wrote an article on it for a project that due to complications never was published. So it will now appear here. Enjoy! (Unfortunately, this post will be predominantly in Finnish).

Kulturhuset, Sergel Torgetilla Tukholman keskustassa tarjoaa monipuolisia elämyksiä kultuurin eri aloilta. Siellä on myös joka vuosi suuri sarjakuva festivaali. Tänä vuonna yksi tähti vierailijoista oli Hanneriina Moissenen, suomalainen taiteilija ja kirjailija, jonka elämänkerrallisesta sarjakuva ”Isä” on myös julkaistu ruotsiksi.

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Hanneriina Moissenen on syntynyt vuona 1978 Joensuussa. Hän opiskeli taiteilijaksi, mutta nuoren taiteilijan rakkaus sarjakuviin ja kangas kirjonta töihin johti hänet nopeasti kokeilemaan erinlaisia ilmaisu muotoja. Moissenenin kirjonta taidetta on ollut esillä sekä Suomessa että ulkomailla ja hän on julkaisut kolme sarjakuvaa. ”Setit ja Partituurit” (2010) kertoo häpeästä. ”Sen synty ja muita Vienan hävyttömiä ja hulvattomia starinoita” (2005) on yhdistelmä musiikkia ja sarjakuvaa. Viimeisin ”Isä”, joka on Moissenen läpimurto teos, jukaistiin vuonna 2013.Tässä teoksessa hän käsittelee dramaattista aihetta, oman isänsä katoamista kun hän itse oli vain kymmenen vuotta vanha. Teos käännettiin Ruotsiksi nimellä ”Pappa” viime vuonna ja sai suuren positiivisen vastaanoton. Sarjakuvassa on 60 Moissenenin omin käsin tehtyjä kirjonta työtä , jotka hän teki uudestaan Ruotsiksi ”Pappaa” varten . Suomenkielinen versio on tällä hetkellä loppuun myyty.

Hannerrina Moissenen oli Lauantaina 7. toukokuuta keskustelemassa Ruotsalaisen ”feel bad”-kuningatteren nimetyksi Åsa Grenvalin kanssa. Moderaaattotina toimi Sofia Nordin ja kaikki kolme puhuivat Englanniksi. Sofia Nordin aloitti tapahtuman selittämällä että he kolme jakoivat lavaa, koska Nordin on tehnyt töitä Åsa Grenvallin kanssa monia vuosia ja että hän on todella syvästi vaikuttunut ”Pappa”-sarjakuvasta. Grennvallkin ihaili Moissenenin teosta.

Hanneriina Moissenen kertoi aloitus repliikissään mikä ajoi hänet kertomaan Isänsä katoamisesta. Hän halusi kuvata sitä mitä tapahtuu katoamisen jälkeen ja kertoa mikä oli elämän tilanne ennen dramaatista tapahtumaa. Moissenen sanoi huomanneensa miten monet kirjat joiden keskeinen aihe on läheisen ihmisen katoaminen eivät juuri koskaan käsitelleet sitä mitä tapahtuu uhrin perheille, miten uhrin lähimmäiset reagoivat ja kokevat tragedian. Kirjoittaessaan ”Isä” Moissenen koki että oli nimenomaan tärkeätä tuoda esiin hänen omat tunteensa ja ajatuksensa isän katoamiseen liittyen. Hän halusi rikkoa hiljaisuuden johon hän ja muu perhe olivat ajautuneet aivan liian pitkäksi aikaa. ”Koin myös että minulla oli vastuu kertoa tästä” Moissenen rehellisesti sanoi, ”sillä se on vain ne jotka ovat kokeneet läheisen perheen jäsenen katoamisen jotka tietävät miltä se ihan oikeasti tuntuu”.

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Keskustelun jatkuessa keskeiseksi aiheeksi nousi ymmärrettävästi ”trauma” koska se on molemmille kirjailijoille, Grennvallin ja Moissenenin, todella tärkeä teema. Moissenen selitti miten katoaminen on hyvin erillainen traumaattinen kokemus siinä suhteessa että he jotka kokevat sen eivät tiedä mitä tehdä päästäkseen trauman yli. ”Jos kokemusta vertaa esimerkiksi läheisen ihmisen kuolemaan niin siinä tilanteessa on selkeitä rituaaleja kuten hautajaiset, jossa kaikki saavat avoimesti surra. Mutta minun perheellä ei ollut tätä vaihtoehtoa . Sen sijaan ihmiset olivat avoimesti törkeitä, liian uteliaita, ja jopa syyttivät perhettäni siitä että Isä oli kadonnut. Ihmiset tuntuivat välillä ajattelevan että perheemme oli huono ja siksi isäni jätti meidät” Moissenen sanoi ja totesi: ”Jos isäni olisi kuollut sen siaan että katosi, ihmiset olisivat olleet empaattisempia. Emme myöskään tienneet pitkään jos isästä pitäisi sanoa ´hän oli´ tai ´hän on´”.

Molemmat kirjailijat kertoivat että yksi tärkeä teema heidän teoksissaan on luovuttaminen. Mutta tässä tapauksessa luovuttaminen, toivon menettäminen, ei ollut ainoastaan paha asia. ”Luovuttaminen oli suuri osa sitä prosessia jonka kautta pystyin hyväksymään että isä ei varmaan koskaan palaisi” Moissenen muisteli. ”Oli helpotus vihdoinkin virallisesti hyväksyä isän kuolema. Näin äitini ja minä saimme aloittaa suru prosessin. Me molemmat päätimme kirjoittaa kokemuksistamme ja se johti siihen että me vihdoinkin puhuimme siitä, mitä oli tapahtunut. Meidän keskustelut jatkuivat päivittäin monia tunteja ja se oli aivan mahtavaa”.

Sofia Nordin kysyi kirjailijoilta myös heidän suhteestaan luontoon . Moissenin sarjakuvassa ”Isä” on runsaasti tarkkoja luonnon kuvauksia. Tämä ei ole sattuma, ”Luonto ja luonnonkuvaus oli tärkeää minulle jo lapsena . Luonto, tai tarkemmin sanottu metsä, oli läpi koko lapsuuteni sekä suuri lahja mutta myöskin suuri vaara. Sain luvan leikkia metsässä mutta aikuiset aina myös varoittivat että en saisi mennä liian syvälle metsään. Joka vuosi ihmiset eksyvät metsässä tai hukkuvat järveen. Myöskin viimeinen huomio isästäni on kun hän oli järvellä. Luonto on niin hyvin kaunis, mutta vaarallinen, toisin sanoen todella monikerroksellinin osa elämäämme. Kun tein sovun isäni katoamisen kanssa, luonto oli tärkeä osa sitä hetkeä”.

Kun isän katoamisesta oli kulunnut kaksikymmentä kaksi vuotta, Moissenellä oli taide näyttely Buenos Airessissä. Kun hän vieraili siellä, tapahtui suuri käännekohta hänen elänmässään.

Moissenen lähti kävelylle ilman kompassia tai kartaa. Hän löysi pienen kaupungin, joka oli kuin hänen lapsuuden unesta. Kaupungissa hän myöskin löysi baarin nimeltä ”Volver”, joka tarkoittaa espanjaksi ”Palata”. Hän jatkoi vielä matkaa syvemmälle metsäänja nukkui vieraassa luonnossa koko yön, ilman karttaa tai makupussia. Kun hän aamulla heräsi ja löysi tiensä takaisin Buenos Airesin keskustaan, hän huomasi selvinneensä, hän ei ollut kadonnut. ”Se oli hyvin mytologinen hetki” Moissenen muisteli.

Keskustelun päätteeksi Moissenen kertoi rituaalista, jossa hän sanoi hyvästi isälleen. Moissenin perhe on alunperin Karjalasta ja hän on usein käyttänyt karjalaisia motiveja taiteessaan.Kun hän palasi järvelle, jossa hänen isänsä oltiin viimeksi nähty hän teki rituaalin karjalaisen kultturin mukaisesti :siinä kuolleet kutsutaan luoksemme ja sitten he lähetetään takaisin kuoleiden luokse ikuisesti. Moissenen kutsui isänsä luokseen ja palautti hänet takaisin kuoleiden luokse. Tämän kokemuksen jälkeen hän pystyi lopullisesti tekemään sovun isänsä katoamisen kanssa

Hanneriina Moissenen kertoi myös kirjoittavansa sarjakuvaa sodasta ja elämästä rintamalla. Päähenkilö on sotilas joka ei kestänyt enään sodan kauhuja ja lähti karkuun rintamalta. ”Tämä on ollut yksi suomalaisen kirjallisuuden suuremmista tabuista” Moissenen totesi. ”Kun kirjoitan jostakin aiheesta, haluan aina löytää uusia näkökulmia ja tarinoita. Kaikki teokseni ovat tulleet halusta kertoa ulkopuolisten, erillaisten ihmisten tarinoista”.

Hanneriinan teoksia voi lainata Serieteketistä, ostaa Adlibriksen kautta ja muuten kannattaa vilkaista kauppoja, jossa sarjakuvia myydään. Moissenen sarjakuvat ovat koskettavia ja hyvin persoonallisa,kannattaa lukea!.

Teksti: Maaretta

Kuvat: Shujie Zhang

 

 

Today´s post will be a book tag, that was created by the booktuber A Clockwork reader. All the questions are based on characters from Nickelodian´s most popular cartoon, “Avatar: The last Airbender”, which is a fantasy-based world where different nations have unique people that can control certain elements. The summary of the shows three seasons arch is:

Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years passed, until one day two teens Sokka and Katara discovered the new Avatar, an airbender named Aang. The Trio must then travel the world looking for teachers to help Aang control all four elements, so he can then save everyone from the ruthless Fire nations head lord.

A Clockwork Reader divided her questions into the four nations, and the questions are regarding the central characters of each nation and how they relate to other structures of literary or narrative mythos. Let´s get started.

Water:

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1. Sokka and Katara, or your favorite sibling relationship: (Sokka and Katara are the shows main leading heroes along with the Protagonist Aang, being a loyal and steadfast brother-sister team). Hansel and Gretel from the classic Grimm´s fairy tale. While it is a short fairy tale, it has always seemed remarkable to me how Hansel and Gretel are so fiercely loyal to each other. Despite being abandoned in the woods, and then being enslaved and breed for eating, Hansel and Gretel never double cross each other and never leave the other to their own faith. It´s even Gretel who in the end not only saves herself, but her brother, and together they bring back gold to their parents. While no doubt the parenting can seem more than lacking to modern audiences, the shere comradeship of these two is just awesome.

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2. Yue, or your favorite cross-stared lovers: (Yue is a princess that Sokka falls in love with, but due to complications they are never able to get together).

This was the most difficult question, and it seems the best answer would be the German girl Regine and the polish boy Jan from the young adult historical novel ”His name was Jan” by Irina Korschunow. It´s the story of a German girl growing up during WWII who accidentally falls in love with a Polish boy, something that is forbidden. The two are tragically split up apart by the 2/3´s mark of the novel, and Regine is left speculating whether or not Jan has been killed. It´s a little known book written by a German writer who herself was a teen during WWII and the novel displays a hauntingly accurate portrayal of the propaganda of the Nazis, the rounding up of Jewish neighbors, disappearances of dissidents, and fear of death being common place in this sad novel.

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3. Bloodbending, or a book with a disturbing concept: (“Bloodbending” is the knowledge of how to control a person through taking control of their blood; inside the show this was seen as the ultimate violation of a person).

For a song and a thousand songs” by Liao Yiwu. This prison memoir is disturbing in not only it´s theme, an inside look into infamous Chinese prisons, but also in its execution of sparing no detail of the gruesome fates the prisoners meet; violence, rape and humiliation. While the book recounts many of the prisoners helping each other, it is especially Mr. Liao who comes to the assistance of the more bullied prisoners. There are several scenes that make the reader squirm at the recounting of the most horrible acts you will ever read in your life. But the author´s beautiful prose will help the reader through it all.

Earth:

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1. Toph, or a character who´s strength surprised you: (Toph was a blind, young girl who many underestimated due to her disability, but turned out being powerful enough to become a teacher to Aang).

Moomintroll, from ”The Moomins”-series. In the series, Moomintroll is, in the first of these series of novels, shown as a very kind creature, but very naive. A creature who often bumbles his way through life. However, in the fifth book, ”Moominland Midwinter” and in the seventh book, ”Moominpappa at sea”, we see that despite his naivety Moomintroll is a strong person in his own right, and that his kindness gives him an advantage. In ”Moominland Midwinter” he kindly and adeptly balances several spontaneous, unexpected, even slightly bad-timed guests imposing on him and his family, and in ”Moominpappa at sea” he is able to befriend and give comfort to Groke, the series’ most scary character, something that no other character does in the entire series. These actions illustrate that being nice makes Moomintroll able to overcome prejudices and to take a closer look at individuals that others simply reject. This kindly openness may not often or traditionally be considered a physical power, but nonetheless in the novel it is shown as a form of strength worthy of admiration.

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Original picture from “Moominpappa at sea”

2. Tales of Ba sing se, or your favorite short story or poetry collection: (this was an episode that was a collection of small stories of many characters, which was a one-time “bottle episode” in the continuity of the show)

Dreams in Harrison Railroad Park” by Nellie Wong. Ms. Wong´s almost entirely unknown poetry collection has short, prose like poems that discuss racism towards Chinese-Americans, sexism, poverty and family. Her poems are as beautiful as they are powerful, talking about melancholy themes with a honest voice.

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3. Kioshi Warriors, or your favorite warrior character: (Kioshi Warriors are respected all-female armies that appear in the show)

Mulan, from the Disney´s “Mulan”. This is cheating since this one is a cartoon character and not the original literary one. Anyhow, she is still very endearing and one of the best heroines in children´s cartoons ever. She´s been discussed on this blog before, so just shortly this: what makes her such a great warrior is not just strength, but also her use of intelligence to undermine her enemies (instead of just using brutal force) while her loyalty is strong and steadfast. She accepts no rest until she has successfully protected those she has sworn to defend. That is what makes her a great warrior.

Fire:

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1. Zuko, or your favorite redemption arch: (Zuko is a character who starts out as a villain, but as the series progressives changes his ways and befriends Aang)

Macon ´Milkman´ Dean III in ”Song of Solomon” by Toni Morrison. While Macon technically is never a villain, or necessarily evil in this novel, he does come to a realization regarding his male privilege and more unkind actions towards the women around him. This book is cool and epic and important, so there will be not much detail here, but Macon has a prideful and disregarding relationship to his sisters and mother, that changes after some maturing and life changing events. He realizes that he has not been the most understanding or empathic to this female relatives, and comes to regret his actions. This all takes place inside Macon´s mind, where he asks himself hard questions about himself, even cringeing when remembering what he´s said and done, and comes to realize that his sister’s critique of his behavior was correct all along. It´s a stunning, amazingly written scene, where the deep thoughts of a character create much more drama than many action scenes would.

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2. Iroh, or the wisest character: (Iroh is Zukos uncle, who often is the shows source of elderly wisdom).

Dumbledore from the ”Harry Potter”-series. For better or for worse, Albus Dumbledore is the smartest person in the ”Harry Potter”-series, and one of the most famous wise characters in literature.

3. Azula, or best downfall: (Azula is a villain who falls from grace as the show progressives). Difficult question, but guess a good example would be the downfall of Thomas´ abusive father from ”The Book of everything” by Guus Kuijer. For more details, here´s my review.

Air:

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1. Appa, or favorite pet/animal: (Appa is Aang´s pet flying bison).

Cheshire Cat from ”Alice in Wonderland”. While he´s mostly trouble in Disney´s animated classic, he´s more of a harmless trickster in Lewis Carroll´s novel. Alice, who is a definite cat person, even becomes somewhat friendly towards him. The Cheshire cat is just the right blend of befuddling kindness, and playful trouble. Of manifest weirdness, but grand sanity by Wonderland standards. As a highlight his levitating head successfully trolls the Queen of hearts, starting a serious debate about decapitations. Fun!

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2. Aang, or the purest cinnamon roll: (Aang is often portrayed as the kindest, purest character inside of the show).

Josef K från ”The Trial” by Franz Kafka. While one of the driving questions in this novel is whether everyone by just mere existence is guilty of criminality, or if society continously, willfully, and wrongfully accuses everyone of crimes, Josef K is still a character who gives of impressions of being overly nice even in the face of empty madness. While Josef K could very well have done something to bring upon the notice of society (he is after all very quick to say he hasn´t) his actions throughout the novel are incessantly altruistic and exceptionally humble. He tries helping others, he is soft spoken and never causes any trouble (that we know of). His character is very lovable, with his awkward bumbling through a nightmare, and whether or not he is guilty of the unnamed crime he nonetheless always comes across as a sweet, nice man.

3. Avatar state, or a stubborn character/a character that has trouble letting go: (Aang, when triggered, goes into a state where he is mentally absent with a concurrent dark force taking control of him. This causes often much destruction, but can result in both good and bad effects).

Lila from ”My Brilliant Friend”. While I have only read about 40% of the first Neapolitan novel, which means that all the characters could very well change, so far Lila, the narrators friend, is by all accounts a very stubborn, competitive and prideful child. She is too stubborn to ever admit defeat or to being wrong. She´s determined to get to all her goals despite it often being hurtful, and she is very manipulative. She has trouble letting go in the face of being second place, and stubbornly claws her way through life. Quite the hellraiser.

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Hope you all enjoyed, comment down below what some of your picks would be!.

Take Care/ Maaretta

Trigger warning: This post will have discussions of sexual abuse. Reader precaution advised.

This is my third post for Child Abuse Awareness Month.

My first introduction to Dr. Patton was when I read her piece in the Washington Post, “Why is America celebrating the beating of a black child?”. This article cast a critical eye on the heaps of praise a woman got for forcefully getting her son to leave a protest in Baltimore. Taken with Patton´s arguments, I ordered a copy of her memoir which delved into the subject of child abuse from the perspective of her own survival of brutal physical abuse. Patton is known for her work with children´s rights issues as well as race, which her memoir discusses in great lengths.

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The memoir opens up with college student Stacey suffering from flashbacks of abuse and deciding that the means to end her suffering was to kill the people responsible for the abuse, her adoptive parents. However, this plan did not succeed as she forgets to add bullets to her gun, and decides to abandon the plan. Motivated by the memories of her own past, and the desperate act that she felt pushed into is followed with the adult Doctor Patton’s research into the institution of American slavery; this begins the memoirs journey. Stacey Patton recalls all the times her foster mother beat her, with telephone cords and twitches; a pain so great she often thought she “will surely never survive this”. Such beatings were consistent through her childhood, with some of the beatings going so far as the young Stacey having to go to the emergency room.

When five years old, the young Stacey Patton was removed from foster care and adopted by a couple. The mother turned out to be an irritable, constantly angry woman who beat Stacey for the slightest and absent provocation. The memoir captures the sorrows and fears that abuse has on the mind; Stacey recalls crying herself to sleep many nights and being terrified when her adoptive father informs her will be late home as the absent father means she will be completely at the mercy of the violent whims of the mother. Ms. Patton mentions more than once that as a child, she feared that she might even end up dying one day as a result from the violence. These are feelings and emotions that many abuse survivors will recognize and the anxieties of a child locked in such a situation are beautifully, heartbreakingly captured.

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The scenes of physical abuse are not just directed towards a young Stacey. The memoir recounts how other members of her adoptive family beat other children for simply playing/pretending to be preachers or how she witnesses a classmate being beaten by his mother for calling a white girl “honky”. Even at an early age Stacey questioned these actions, where we can see the beginning of the seeds to her later activism.

Her years in school were tumultuous and troubled, since the teachers only saw Ms. Patton as a slow child, to which Patton states: “Let me tell you that your mind is changed if you are beaten every single day”. The text is tragic in its description of abuse, but what makes “That mean old yesterday” a diamond in the rough is that Ms. Patton not only details her years of abuse, but also finds a link to her situation and to the horrendous legacy that American history has had on its own disenfranchised people, with special concentration on the Black American community. Using the springboard of her own brutalization Ms. Patton delves into the abuse of children and offers a critique of societal norms when it comes to violence and children.

The memoir is about the double oppression and marginalization of being a black child. When speaking of her adoptive family, where her silence and capitulation are enforced, the young Stacey lives with both fear of abuse from the hands of the mother, and a terror of being abandoned by her. Stacey as a young girl learns from her parents that her thoughts and experiences are secondary to the adults. Adults are the ones that call all the shots. The memoir discusses how violence seems common place in the house holds around her. Which through the books narration on the history of slavery gives a certain historical explanation to the violence. Institutional racism and racial violence has forced Black Americans to live in the constant shadow of white terrorism. Patton argues that this leads to a mindset that is reflected in that the parents try to protect their children by giving rough upbringings to make sure their children won´t end up dead or hurt by white supremacy. two running themes in the memoir are best expressed in a scene where Stacey and her foster mother visit a hair salon.

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While the women there all critique white paretns for being too “soft” on their children, and explaining how beating their children will ultimately protect them, a single black woman offers a counter opinion. She expresses that this rationalization dates back to the days of slavery, where slaves beat their own children in hopes it would spare them from the punishments from the slave owners. The woman explains that her own parents did not use corporal punishment on her, which shows that this kind of upbringing is possible. The salons other women silence and dismiss her, but the young Stacey feels hope after hearing her words. For the first time Stacey witnesses that someone is actually speaking up for children.

In that scene, Patton illustrates what the whole book is about: how history has shaped and still plagues us today, how children are marginalized and how, without knowing it, speaking up on injustice might spark someone to reconsider their views, to inspire someone or give comfort to someone. The scene greatly shows that speaking up is worth it, even if it seems like the opposite.

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The most disturbing parts of the memoir are however the scenes where Stacey is sexually abused. The mother had an unhealthy obsession with the small child´s genitals, having rituals where she “inspected” and touched the girls private parts. This trauma is further shown when the young Stacey tries to insert a tampon for the first time and has horrible flashbacks to the mothers unwanted touching. Later when Stacey, after hearing a testimony from another young girl who has been molested, states that no one could really understand what it felt like, “when someone treats your own private parts as if they are not your own, but someone else´s playthings”; this line is one of the most poignant, heartbreaking ways of writing about the damage done from sexual abuse that I have ever read.

Ms. Patton states in all honesty that it took her years to realize that she had been sexually abused and in her memoir she is shown denying the abuse more than once. This form of sexual abuse is one that is not often discussed or talked about; that of when the molester of a child is female. And in addition, when the violating touching doesn´t seem to come from pedophilic desires, but from the non-sexual desire to completely control, humiliate and/or hurt the child. Sexual abuse of children takes many shapes and forms, and this form where the motivation is other than desire is one that should be more discussed and talked about. Some parents, in their tyranny, go so far to control and frightened their children that they demand control over everything and therefore they commit illicit touching.

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As a final note, a fair warning that the book dives into slavery and the history is heavily disturbing. However the importance of speaking of these crimes cannot be underestimated; racism against Black Americans is so deeply rooted that even today, violence against Black Americas perpetrated by White Americans is at horrific proportions’, which unlawful killings by policemen and mass incarnation being a huge part of everyday racism. To discuss race in America, one must be honest with the bloody history. The past must be visited to move forward.

Ms. Patton depicts her college years as a place of learning but also a place of sorrow. There she for the first time clearly encountered everyday racism. The white girls Stacey shared her dorms with belittled and verbally humiliated blacks, her literary and historical canon was entirely white, and her teachers were not always varying of any racist comments the white students made. Stacey went into a depression. The turning point was when she one day opened up to one kind teacher in which she was able to find a kindred spirit who willingly listened to her point of view.

As a reader, I was moved by how just one teacher could offer so much comfort by just listening and believing the struggles Stacey was going through. Even if the memoir didn´t state this, it seems that if anything, sometimes when people of color speak out and talk about their experiences with racism the right thing to do is to listen and believe them. Your place is not to tell them they are overreacting or misunderstanding, your place is to show support. Something so simple, yet so rarely seen.

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As a last small note, the book also shares Stacey´s skeptical views on religion and on god. In the memoir she identifies as non-believing. It´s always great to come across books with skeptics and other non-believers; if any of you readers can recommend me any other memoirs with skeptic/non-believing narrators please tell me.

A fantastic memoir, with lots of provocative and insightful views into many important, complex issues. “That mean old yesterday” is a sharp critic on all forms of violence against children, as well as a explosion of the poison and destruction that white supremacy and racism has had on black lives, destroying the myth of there being no constitutional racism anymore. Check it out, it´s more than worth it.

Stacey Patton also has a website about alternative parenting ways free from violence. It´s called “Spare the kids”, go check it here.

(Trigger warning for discussions of torture and death)

This post is a part of my series “Torture Awareness Month”

Mitra H. Lager is an Iranian Women´s Rights and secular activist. She lives in Gothenburg, is a member of the political group “Feminist Iniativ” and the Swedish “Humanist” (an organization dedicated to decreasing religious influence on society and to promote reason), and writes for “Avaye-Zan” (which translates as “womans voice”). Ms. Lager is a well-known debater, but mostly famous for the memoir of her life in Iran, titled “Gud vill att du ska dö” (“God wants you to die”). The title comes from a threat Ms. Lager and her fellow prisoners were told to by guards while in prison. It hasn´t been translated into English to my knowledge, which is a real shame, since it´s one of those few memoirs that are not only a recollection of one person’s memories, but actually an insight to a country´s modern history and a perceptive description of how lives are deformed and inflicted through social injustice. It´s not only a journey where Mitra H. Lager follows the path of her life which ends in a residency in Sweden, but also lays bare the trajectory of modern day Iran and how it came to be the theocracy it is today. “God wants you to die” also describes some of the most honestly brutal descriptions of torture.

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Ms. Lager begins her memoir by stating that she wanted to write this memoir for those of her friends and family members who died due to Era of Ayatollah Khomeini. The memoir then dives into describing the forceful demonstrations that take place in Iran during the 1980s. Ms. Lager also describes her family and home life, which was partly conservative and partly liberal, differing from each individual in the family. Throughout the book, Lager makes a perfect blend of personal and political, and also demonstrates how those two things often blend in together. At the tender age of 17, Ms. Lager got arrested for her protest against Ayatollah Khomeini; she was deemed as an enemy of Islam and sent to Evin, the most infamous prison in Iran.

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Torture is shown as the go-to “method” used against the prisoners in “God wants you to die”. One of the most heart-breaking examples is, before Ms. Lager is imprisoned, when her cousin´s dead corpse is sent to the family after the cousin has spent time in prison. Lager admits that at the time she was in love with her cousin, and had he not died she might have married him. She then proceeds to describe what his body looks like, holding back no macabre details, like that his eyes were gored out (leaving the family to stare at empty eyesockets) and he is covered in blood. The family wants to give him a decent funeral, but first the body has to be washed. As his body is bathed, Ms. Lager and her family breakdown into tears, crying violently the entire time the young man’s body is washed. The most tragic thing Lager says about the situation is: “He was a good person, a kind person, and he was grotesquely tortured to death. Why?”

"Typical Iranian Funeral", by Rokny Haerizadeh

“Typical Iranian Funeral”, by Rokny Haerizadeh (2008)

Later in prison Lager witnesses more torture and executions. She details that a common tactic to scare other prisoners is to torture one prisoner and then give the victim of the abuse to the other prisoners to nurse their wounds, both physical and mental. While they clean and tend to the prisoners wounds, they see what can be done to themselves at the whim of their captors. This threat continuously lingers above all of the inmates haunting both their sleeping and waking hours. One horror, and dreaded endgame which lingered over the prisoners was to be marked with a wound during the torture sessions (or anytime during the incarceration, actually). Once a scar was made, the prisoner was often shortly killed afterwards.

"Masters of Persia", by Reza Derakshani

“Masters of Persia”, by Reza Derakshani (2013)

Lager states that when she was younger, she was a devoted Muslim. It was one of the main driving forces to her political activism. But while in prison, this changes. Lager is taken to “interrogation” about her incorrect beliefs and she is subjected to her feet being hit with blocks. In the extreme pain she faces, Lager begins a trail of wondering why, despite always having faith and navigating her belief faithfully and strongly, she finds herself randomly imprisoned and witnessing terrible injustices by those professing to true belief . In the midst of being tortured, Lager states that she experiences a sundering of her belief, an “epiphany”, where she concludes that no kind god would be able to bear witness to the sufferings of those who imprisoned with her, since she, and many of those with her, had always been a believer in this God of Might and Justice.

Work by Shirin Neshat

“Rapture” by Shirin Neshat (1999)

The memoir illustrates the victims of torture as ordinary people who are crushed by authoritarian rule. Ms. Lager and her fellow prisoners are helpless under the power of others, with no escape. ”God wants you to die” details also that while the torturers were not merely trying to get information, that the act of torturing also strengthen the hatred the torturers had for their victims. Lager mentions once hearing two torturers screaming at their victim: “You think this is bad? This is only the beginning, we´re sending you straight to hell!”. It is a form of intimidation, but also the ultimate expression of hate for the ones who don´t conform. They hurt their victim not only out of order, but also out of anger that the person disobeyed. Torture here is used (as always) as the purest form of power and abuse. While many of the guards in the prison show clear sadistic trends, Lager also shows that some of the prison guards are decent people caught up in an insanity which they see no help to escape. One night a guard states to Lager: “I never could imagine my life would be this, guarding the youth of Iran. Oh lord, What a horrible destiny I have gotten!”.

"Made in Iran", from the series "Comtemporary Iranian Art"

“Make-up”, by Simin Kiramati (2007)

Ms. Lager only references her atheistic awakening in one sentence, which dawns upon her in the devastating sinkhole of torture. This understanding is sadly achieved in the morass of suffering and humiliation and we agonize with her in the emptiness of horrific experiences which come to sharpen and shape her beliefs. In a like manner, where horrors shape a persons beliefs, the documentary, “Deliver us From Evil” ( directed by Amy Berg in 2006), about sexual abuse by a church, a man is shown losing his faith and becoming an atheist after discovering that his daughter was molested by a preacher and the church is evasive and unresponsive to the “sin” perpetuated by it. Lager´s atheism, likewise, steams from a frustration with corrupt religious extremism, which many atheist share. Similar frustrations with faith are shown in Bertrand Russell´s essay “Why I am Not Christian” (1927) and Ibq Warraq´s book “Why I am not Muslim” (1995), both of which explore the myriad justifications and prevarications which enable a slew of hideous things done within the internally vindicated acts of religion. Lager´s entire memoir is a thoughtful piece of literature not only on tyranny, but also on the questions regarding the power religion has over the individual and how the totalitarianism of true and pure belief becomes a weapon of malice and hate.

One of Shirin Neshat´s most famous works

“Untitled” by Shirin Neshat (1996)

While political prisoners are not killed as often in Iran as they were back in religious and political hysteria of the 80´s, prisoners in Iran still face the all too common use of torture. Therefore it´s safe to say that Lagers outspoken book is still an insight which culls insight about the era and about the use of torture generally.

“God wants you to die” is not only a book about torture and death, but also about hope. Lager is later released from prison, and after battling crippling depression and survivor’s guilt she finds love and marries. When she is once again suspected of political activism, she even finds a way to escape. The book also has a heartbreaking scene where Lager critiques the refugee politics of the time, which unfortunately still remains an issue with us till this day.

The themes are heavy, so be warned you will cry while reading this memoir, but the language is quite fresh and Lager captivates you in her story of survival and of power abuse. “God wants you to die” is one of those rare gems of non-fiction which even fiction lovers will care for and learn from.

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For more Iranian memoirs, check out Parsua Bashi´s “Nylon Road” or Marjane Satrapi´s “Persepolis”. Both are graphic novels!